I can’t seem to get out of my head. It just seems like I’m going through the motions. But I know I’m not. I’m reacting genuinely. But I can call every move, every play, and so I psyche myself out as if its just the same old story.
What’s the problem?
I sit down and I can easily chat with any new stranger I’m introduced to. I know I have a seemingly unguarded spirit which welcomes people to trust me immediately. I give off a good vibe without trying. Good charecteristics.
What’s the problem?
Usually another female, any female, thrown into the mix creates a different dynamic. Its just how women are. I don’t pretend that every woman can get along with every other woman she has not solely chosen as a friend or acquaintance on her own. However, I do get along with most every woman I’ve encountered through a third party. She liked me right away. And apparently she’s a little crazy. But aren’t we all? Within 5 minutes we were walking into a bar in a full embrace, my arms protectively around her shoulders (since she’s a teeny little thing) and both her arms wrapped affectionately around my waist.
What’s the problem?
Good wine. Good conversations. Pauses. But not awkward.
What’s the problem?
I always walk into people talking about me. Talking well about me. Always slightly embarassing. Always very flattering.
What’s the problem?
Showed interest. Asked questions about me instead of talking about himself. Not someone who would be the most suave talker at a bar. Turn on. A little inarticulate about talking about himself. But very smart. When he started up on a little politics, he found his words. Turn on. Loves my dog. Which isn’t very hard for any proper human being to do. Very sweet kisser.
What’s the problem?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not counting my eggs before they hatch…or investing every ounce of a possible future with this new stranger within this first date.
I’m more just realizing like every “first date” is becoming the same. And have I even dated that many men. I guess that’s debatable. Some of them were clearly boys ;D
But it makes me think that it doesn’t matter who the other person is, I will always get the same reactions for the most part. And I shouldn’t complain. I’m not, I don’t think. Because all the reactions I ever receive have always been mostly ideal.
So what’s the problem?
What’s the point?
That’s the problem. I keep thinking that in the back of my mind. What’s the point of doing this dance again? What am I supposed to be looking for? I mean, mainly people go out together because ultimately they want something…want someone…eventually. That may not be the most immediate gratification they’re aiming for, but in the grander scheme of a human life, human companionship seems to reside in our bones.
But what’s the point?
I did this dance before. And although always a good time. Why do I try?
I’d rather collect friends, ultimately. Its the only way men stay in my life.
Maybe that’s what I’m worried about. I think we could be amazing friends. Then again, I could get along with the devil. But what if I’m burning a friendship bridge before it even gets built? That sucks. Because I know every person is not like me. Most people can’t just be friends, in any circumstance. And more often than not, male-female friendships only thrive because there is an underlying sexual tension that drives the relationship. Even if there are other factors that make the friendship strong and necessary, that underlying factor can not be dismissed. Ignored, maybe.
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Just word vomit.
